Installment 2 letter to Ahnie from my talk at Big House
Ahnie,
Your eyes are those of your mom’s and I know they will e trouble some day, so this is why writing this letter to you is important. Like I told your brother, this won’t be the last time we have a conversation, probably we will talk again when you are 18 and I finally let you out of your room. A lot of what I wrote to your brother is equally important for you to be a part of your life. However there is a different dynamic as a Girl and a teen girl in which you are going to have to navigate through and this is what this letter is for.
The first thing that is of the most importance is your pursuit of Christ and not just the Idea of it but actually pursuing and following him. As a family 1 Tim 4:7b-8 needs to be a family verse for us. Pursuing Godliness, I am convinced Ahnie will provide strength and direction for your life, and it will directly influence the type of Guys you attract and how you respond to them, as well as helping you navigate through relationships and your view of them.
You see Ahnie there are a few lies that have been ever more creeping in to the culture of Young Women, that have greatly skewed God’s intended plan, and frankly skewed the way Girls thinks of themselves and what is important to them. Teen Magazines, shows like the Bachelor, Jersey Shore, pretty little liars will teach you that the way to attract attention is by what you wear, what you say, how you treat others, and that true beauty rests on the outside, and not the Heart. Thing is Ahnie if you must decided at a young age or at some point what your source of truth is going to be. Is it going to be those show and magazines or will you look to the bible for truth? Proverbs 31 talks about the qualities of an excellent wife starting in Verse 10-31, some of those qualities are Trust, Grace, wisdom, kindness, and giving are things that men should cherish. Ending with a verse I am sure you will here many times, and I hope that you commit to your heart Proverbs 31:30 “charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the lord is to be cherished.
What the magazines fail to do very well is tell you about the pain that comes form never being satisfied with how you look, the insecurities that build when we chase worldly recognition, or the type of guys that we attract when we live in this world. It’s never enough, there is always someone prettier or more experienced a never ending pursuit that ends in pain and regret. Ahnie God wants you to rest in him, take hold of his scripture; He gives us verses like Proverbs 4:23 which Say “keep/guard your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life” Life and satisfaction comes from pursuing God and the love He Gave us through his Son Jesus.
Now I want to look at purity with you Ahnie, because as much as anything this will be a huge issue in relationships and you preparing your heart for Marriage. As much as Seventeen, Cosmo, Glamour, and Jersey Shore , or what ever Crazy reality show is popular when your 16, I can only imagine, that the way to a man’s heart is through sexual advances, experience and technique. These truths supposedly are reading hearing or watching are nothing but lies for the Devil who is out to destroy God’s intended place for Sex, within marriage.
What message that is not being told you is that there is much more control and power in being modest and pure. The question that you are going to have to answer at some point in your life is whom are you trying to attract, the boy who is lacking in Character, and maturity and only seeking out his own lustful desires? Or are you choosing to seek out a Man of Character and are you willing to hold out as long as it takes until God blesses you with that man? A man that is pursuing Christ will then in return pursue your heart.
Be careful because there will be those out there that will say the right things and do anything to make you cross boundaries that you have. I know this because when I was apart from Christ I was one of those guys and have had to repent of that sin in my life. Here is the deal Proverbs 4:23 talks about guarding your heart, protecting yourself from those guys. 1 Thessolians 4:3-4 tells us not to give in to those temptations and to be able to control our sexual desired. in holiness and honor to God. I know it will be hard and there is a chance that this guy may leave, and that will be hard, but in all reality that is probably a good thing although painful at the time. By taking charge of your modesty and purity the hope is he will honor that and mature in to the man of God you deserve, and if he can’t respect you and leave, tell me and daddy will take care of him.
It will be difficult navigating through dating and relationships, there will be pain but take hold of this advice I once heard, “there will be pain in life, the pain of regret or the pain of sacrifice, my hope and prayer is you choose the pain of sacrifice, because I am convinced that sacrifice in the end will lead to Joy. Even if that sacrifice means you don’t date in high school, or you are single for a long time, God’s timing is much better than our timing. Another quote I read that I really feel is important when you feel like some of your choices or things God calls in purity you feel like you are missing out. “When God prohibits something now, he is not robbing us of Good; it’s most likely he is preserving something for us for a better time”
So as many young Girls do Ahnie dream about your wedding, your marriage, and know that your mom and I will support you all the way through, no matter what. But dream that dream, as big as you want, but in return pursue Christ with all your heart, draw that finish line and hold firm to the decisions you make, hold out for that man of God as long as it takes. You deserve him to come and pursue you and win your heart, and treat you like the women of God you are. Don’t be anxious about when it will happen be sure of God’s timing. Hold true to Philippians 4:6-9 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Lastly remember 2 things I love you more than you know, and Romans 5:8 “God shows his love for us in that while we where still sinners Christ died for us”
Love dad
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
My Letter to Ayden
Sorry for the grammer, and spelling, wanted it to be raw. Enjoy
Ayden
It’s been my prayer since you were born that early in your life that God would penetrate your heart and you will sooner than later ask Jesus to be your savior, pursuing him no matter the Cost. Matthew 7 talks about the narrow and wide path one leads to life and one leads destruction; there is sacrifice in that verse, because the world around you will tell you to take the easy road, the path of least resistance, which ultimately ends to sin and destruction. I struggled for a long time with which path to follow, I have seen many high school guys struggle with this loving the Idea of pursuing Christ but the cost of committing was too much for them. It’s my prayer that doesn’t happen to you.
Tonight AJ we are going to talk about matters of the heart, what Characters that I pray you will develop so that when you begin to date and pursue marriage, you choose the path of life and not one of destruction. In my job AJ I see many relationships, fail and lives sent into diseare because of things that happen in those relationships, and I know usually it is not intentional that pain enters in, but like in most things they lack the understanding of how God intended for dating relationships. It really boils down to where or what you Aj will go to for your source of knowledge. Are you relying on experience, friends, TV shows, culture, the locker room, bus ride home from games, or are you turning to God’s word for your first source of knowledge on matters of the heart? 1 Corinthians 1:25 talks about “the foolishness of God is wiser that men, you see its not a bad thing to seek knowledge but with that as 1 Thessolians 5:21-22 says test everything and abstain from evil. So that in matters of the heart we are first seeking the knowledge of God to know what is true.
So some things I have found that will help you when you first start navigating through relationships, and how you can honor the Girl you are entering into relationship with:
You can honor her by not looking for the next best thing Job 31:1 talks about Job making a covenant that he will not look upon another with lustful eyes, besides lust being sinful, this can be one of the most damaging things in a relationship is when your girl feels like you are always looking for the next best thing. Or commenting to her or others around you when you are in a relationship how good someone who is not your girl looks. I know Guys do this being a coach you are around enough of them that this is what they talk about. As hard as it may be Aj you need to stay away from this, it can lead to much damage in relationship, and lead you into sin.
Does she feel safe with you, this goes along with num.1 but when you are not together does she trust you won’t pursue someone else, When you are alone, and physical boundaries are being crossed that you set or she set do you honor those are do you try pressing further, putting her an uncomfortable situation to have to say no. 1 Peter 3:7 talks about a mans responsibility to honor women as a weaker vessel, by no means does this mean as lesser value, it means protection her from these things we just talked about and protecting them from guys who don’t respect those boundaries.
Do you honor her verbally, and emotionally, this can go both ways first ting you have to understand is the damage you can inflict to girls when you verbally are not honoring to them with the things you her. Things like you don’t look good, or you are lucky you are with me, you couldn’t get anyone else. Your packing a few more pounds on lately, that doesn’t look good on you. You may think that is kind of funny but you would be surprised what guys will say to try and gain the upper hand in a relationship, and usually that stuff is said out of fear of losing them. The other way to honor them emotionally is by being honest and up front with them, as a man be man of your word. To many guys and I was one of them for a time feel like it is cool to intentionally mislead a girl to get what they want the smooth talkers, You now those guys, anything to get the girl, AJ stay away from that stuff, I first hand have seen the tweets, and facebook statues of girls hurt deeply by those words, convincing them to do things they did not want to do. How selfish and not honoring is that. The problem is there friends are the first ones to congratulate and glorify them for getting with the girl cause they were that smooth. We might have it out a bit if I find out that is you.
Are you not blinded by lust, this possibly can the most damaging thing in a relationship on so many levels. It violates the trust of the girls, that you are pursuing, if you continually are looking at and pursuing other girls on the side. Plus it is selfish and sinful. When you’re blinded by lust in a relationship, there is no emotional attachment and you are only driven by how you can satisfy yourself. When blinded by lust you have no respect for physical boundaries, and will say anything to get what you want, or seek after who ever will give you what you want that is not honoring!!. Aj the problem with this is culture, media, and the locker room will tell you that you need experience, that what ever feels good cant be bad, and I know it’s a battle to not give in to that talk and influence, but know one said pursuing Christ would be easy. Proverbs 14:12 says this “ there is a way that seems right to a man, but it’s end is the way to death” pretty clear warning that those guys in the locker room, on TV or movies, may seam like it’s cool, but it most certainly will lead to pain in matters of lust and the heart.
AJ this letter is going to be one of many conversations we will have, and that excites me and I ma praying for those conversations even though some I am sure will be tough, and we may have it out at times, but think of them as training. I leave you with two things one 1 Timothy 4:7b-8 “Rather Train yourself for Godliness, For while bodily training is of some value Godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come” and last I love you
Dad
Ayden
It’s been my prayer since you were born that early in your life that God would penetrate your heart and you will sooner than later ask Jesus to be your savior, pursuing him no matter the Cost. Matthew 7 talks about the narrow and wide path one leads to life and one leads destruction; there is sacrifice in that verse, because the world around you will tell you to take the easy road, the path of least resistance, which ultimately ends to sin and destruction. I struggled for a long time with which path to follow, I have seen many high school guys struggle with this loving the Idea of pursuing Christ but the cost of committing was too much for them. It’s my prayer that doesn’t happen to you.
Tonight AJ we are going to talk about matters of the heart, what Characters that I pray you will develop so that when you begin to date and pursue marriage, you choose the path of life and not one of destruction. In my job AJ I see many relationships, fail and lives sent into diseare because of things that happen in those relationships, and I know usually it is not intentional that pain enters in, but like in most things they lack the understanding of how God intended for dating relationships. It really boils down to where or what you Aj will go to for your source of knowledge. Are you relying on experience, friends, TV shows, culture, the locker room, bus ride home from games, or are you turning to God’s word for your first source of knowledge on matters of the heart? 1 Corinthians 1:25 talks about “the foolishness of God is wiser that men, you see its not a bad thing to seek knowledge but with that as 1 Thessolians 5:21-22 says test everything and abstain from evil. So that in matters of the heart we are first seeking the knowledge of God to know what is true.
So some things I have found that will help you when you first start navigating through relationships, and how you can honor the Girl you are entering into relationship with:
You can honor her by not looking for the next best thing Job 31:1 talks about Job making a covenant that he will not look upon another with lustful eyes, besides lust being sinful, this can be one of the most damaging things in a relationship is when your girl feels like you are always looking for the next best thing. Or commenting to her or others around you when you are in a relationship how good someone who is not your girl looks. I know Guys do this being a coach you are around enough of them that this is what they talk about. As hard as it may be Aj you need to stay away from this, it can lead to much damage in relationship, and lead you into sin.
Does she feel safe with you, this goes along with num.1 but when you are not together does she trust you won’t pursue someone else, When you are alone, and physical boundaries are being crossed that you set or she set do you honor those are do you try pressing further, putting her an uncomfortable situation to have to say no. 1 Peter 3:7 talks about a mans responsibility to honor women as a weaker vessel, by no means does this mean as lesser value, it means protection her from these things we just talked about and protecting them from guys who don’t respect those boundaries.
Do you honor her verbally, and emotionally, this can go both ways first ting you have to understand is the damage you can inflict to girls when you verbally are not honoring to them with the things you her. Things like you don’t look good, or you are lucky you are with me, you couldn’t get anyone else. Your packing a few more pounds on lately, that doesn’t look good on you. You may think that is kind of funny but you would be surprised what guys will say to try and gain the upper hand in a relationship, and usually that stuff is said out of fear of losing them. The other way to honor them emotionally is by being honest and up front with them, as a man be man of your word. To many guys and I was one of them for a time feel like it is cool to intentionally mislead a girl to get what they want the smooth talkers, You now those guys, anything to get the girl, AJ stay away from that stuff, I first hand have seen the tweets, and facebook statues of girls hurt deeply by those words, convincing them to do things they did not want to do. How selfish and not honoring is that. The problem is there friends are the first ones to congratulate and glorify them for getting with the girl cause they were that smooth. We might have it out a bit if I find out that is you.
Are you not blinded by lust, this possibly can the most damaging thing in a relationship on so many levels. It violates the trust of the girls, that you are pursuing, if you continually are looking at and pursuing other girls on the side. Plus it is selfish and sinful. When you’re blinded by lust in a relationship, there is no emotional attachment and you are only driven by how you can satisfy yourself. When blinded by lust you have no respect for physical boundaries, and will say anything to get what you want, or seek after who ever will give you what you want that is not honoring!!. Aj the problem with this is culture, media, and the locker room will tell you that you need experience, that what ever feels good cant be bad, and I know it’s a battle to not give in to that talk and influence, but know one said pursuing Christ would be easy. Proverbs 14:12 says this “ there is a way that seems right to a man, but it’s end is the way to death” pretty clear warning that those guys in the locker room, on TV or movies, may seam like it’s cool, but it most certainly will lead to pain in matters of lust and the heart.
AJ this letter is going to be one of many conversations we will have, and that excites me and I ma praying for those conversations even though some I am sure will be tough, and we may have it out at times, but think of them as training. I leave you with two things one 1 Timothy 4:7b-8 “Rather Train yourself for Godliness, For while bodily training is of some value Godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come” and last I love you
Dad
January Apologies
Sorry All that I have not been posting I truly meant to do this, anyways at our youth event that I am part of the Core staff, we are doing a Series called Facebook Official, a series on relationships. And how When we enter into relationship with Jesus Christ that will affect all of our other relationships. I had the oppertunity to speak on dating relationships, and qualities I would want my son or daughter to Look for when pursuing Marriage, today and tomorrow I am going to Post both of the letters I wrote, Enjoy, and would Love to hear any comments you have.
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